Change

While driving around town over the past couple of days, I have begun to notice the first blush of color on the trees, reminding me that change is in the air!  Autumn is my favorite time of year…I love the cool, crispness of the air, the color of the light, the finger-like shadows that begin to form….all in anticipation of winter.  Crops are harvested, birds fly south, squirrels gather their nuts and we bring out our sweatshirts, jackets and boots.  I feel so blessed to live in an area that has true seasons.  They remind me that change is our most constant companion.  I have quoted my dear mother many times as she has observed, “Change is the only thing you can take to the bank.”!!

As I have been pondering the consistency of change in our world, I asked myself if there is anything – anything at all – that does NOT change.  The answer that came to me was Love.  Love is the one thing that is constant, my head told me, but I wondered if that was true.  So began my latest ambling down a path of discovery.

What I discovered was both simple and amazing.  I feel that unqualified Love does indeed remain the same.  It is always and readily available to all.  What does change, however, is US…and as we change, so does the meaning we assign to Love change.  The greater our capacity to love and accept ourselves, the greater our capacity to love and accept others.  As we begin to lift our judgments and expectations of ourselves, so we lift the judgments and expectations of others.  The result is a more pure and unconditional type of love that, prior to our self discovery, we just were not capable of attaining. 

Love does not change.  Yet our ability to define love and demonstrate love changes as we ourselves change.  Let the changing of the leaves, the changing of the light, the changing of the season remind us to be ever ready to change so that we may have a greater capacity to generate and demonstrate the steadfastness of LOVE.

RIP Steve Jobs

Yesterday, October 5, 2011, the news came that Steve Jobs had passed.  He was only 56 years old.  Yet, this visionary man touched almost every life in our 21^st Century world with his innovative thinking.  The co-founder of Apple, Inc. and Pixar clearly loved what he did and did what he loved.  His words to the world were to always go after what it is you want in life…to love what you do…to think outside the box. 

When I was young, along with Steve, technology was just in the process of being born.  I remember as a child, my mother worked for a large insurance company.  She worked in the “computer room”…an office which was probably 30 or 40 feet squared.  In the middle of the room, was another glass room probably 15X15 feet which housed the actual IBM computer.  It was a HUGE machine and the people (mother included) sat around outside of it and “punched keycards” which held binary codes of information.  At least that is my understanding of something I really never understood at all.  But, I do know that the computer held all the information of the company, run out in long reports on wide, green lined paper and that those cards were how the information got into the computer.  Oh, and the reason the computer was housed in its own glass room was to control the temperature which had to be very cool.

From this contraption, the PC was born.  Steve Jobs, Bill Gates and others pioneered our modern day version of a computer…small, wireless, user friendly.  Every year or two, these devices have been made more and more efficient, more manageable, and more accessible to all.  Our grandchildren have never lived in a time when they did not exist.  And, of course, this story isn’t over yet!  What the next wave will be and the persons to create it are on the horizon waiting for their time.

Yet, I cannot help but think that all the money, all the intellect, all the fame that Steve Jobs created could not grant him one day longer on this earth.  Fifty-six is so young, especially from my own point of view!  He grabbed life by the horns and kept on creating, innovating, and expanding until the end.  What an example for each of us to follow.  We may not have as large of a contribution to make to society as Steve Jobs, yet ours is none the less important.  Maybe our contribution is to just smile at strangers each day and lift someone’s spirit.  Maybe our job is to raise children.  Maybe our job is to teach (for the most part) thankless teenagers.  Each job, no matter how large or small it seems, is ultimately important to the turning of the world.  Each of us is charged to give our all in whatever field we find ourselves.  And no matter what else we may be doing, each of us is required to do our work with kindness, love, and acceptance of all.

Apple, Inc. is a household word.  When we hear this name, we think of innovation and probably something we would like to own such as an iPad, iPhone, or Mac.  What do people in your world think of when they hear your name?  Does it bring a smile and a feeling of well being, or is it something others want to avoid?  Granted, you can’t please everyone, but does your world light up at the thought of you?  If the answer is no, you can change it.  The first place to look is in your own mirror…do you light up when you look at yourself and think of who and what you are?  Think about this…time is short…what can you contribute with the time you have?

Here are some of my favorite quotes from Steve Jobs…may he rest in peace knowing that he made a difference in our world:

“Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules… You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” Steve Jobs (My research says that Mr. Jobs did not say this, but it was used as an Apple ad and several people donated the words.)

“The only way to do great work is to LOVE what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.”

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.
Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

"You have to trust in something -- your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life."

"That's been one of my mantras -- focus and simplicity. Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it's worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFEarBzelBs&feature=related

Write It On Your Heart

Ralph Waldo Emerson is one of my favorite poets.  So often he expresses just what I am feeling in any given moment.  Today I came across his poem, “Write on Your Heart” and it described perfectly what I had been feeling all day:  that every day is the best day whether it’s a birthday, a holiday, or just a Tuesday!  That at the end of each day, just know you did your best and will be given another chance tomorrow to again do your best...even if you can recognize aspects that could have been done better.  After all, “hindsight is 20/20”!  Just recognize your mistakes, fears and doubts, and forget them...let them disappear with the day.  And when tomorrow presents itself, don’t pick up that old baggage of yesterday!  Leave it in the past, and write a new page for today.  Write a page with less fear, less doubt, more love, more kindness, more beauty.  And when that day passes, follow the same procedure. 

After all, we are works in progress.  No matter how we strive for perfection, it is always out of our reach.  So why even go there?  Instead, live in each moment fully aware and do your best with what you know at this time. Why choose worry, fear and chaos when happiness, love and peace are just as readily available? Just write it on your heart...

 WRITE IT ON YOUR HEART
Write it on your heart
that every day is the best day in the year.
He is rich who owns the day,
and no one owns the day
who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety.
Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities, no doubt, crept in.
Forget them as soon as you can, tomorrow is a
new day;

begin it well and serenely,

with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.

This new day is too dear, with its hopes and invitations,

to waste a moment on the yesterdays...

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Hurricanes

Hurricane Irene has just made its way up our coastline this past weekend, and I, too, feel a hurricane in my life right now.  Everything is swirling and blowing around me, threatening me with floods of tears, stirring up my very living space and causing my head to spin out of control. 

In order to find peace, do I look for the center of this storm and settle into the eye where all is calm while the storm continues to whip around me?  Or do I just plow through head first, knowing I will be battered about until I get to the other side?  If I ride it out in the center, surely it will fall apart as hurricanes always do.

Until this storm passes…and all storms do pass…I guess I need to hunker down and batten down the hatches!!  Just as the weather turned beautiful, bright and calm when Irene passed, so the prediction of my life must be a beautiful turn for the better when my own hurricane passes.

These are the difficult times of life.  These are the times that while we are going through them seem to make no sense.  We ask “why?” and know the answers are never revealed until later on.  On a day when our life is once again like a sunny day on the beach, we suddenly realize why the hurricane had to come.  We may be changed and rearranged, but in a positive way….a way we created even. 

Maya Angelou said, “I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it”.  So, bring it on!!  I look forward to the day when my personal hurricane has blown by and fallen apart!

Crutches Have Their Purpose

Trine Meyer Vogsland

I haven’t been doing a lot of dreaming recently until the past couple of nights.  I’ve really missed it!  I feel dreams send us symbolic messages and often foretell of upcoming events…but I’ll save all that for another day!  Last night I had a dream, and as I related it to a friend on rising, I also realized its significance.  Of course, there are always event s to both precede and follow the gist of the dream, so I will stick to the sticking point!

In the dream, I was going from one end of town to another…in the middle was a “bad section” and it was getting dark, foggy and rainy.  I had begun my journey in a car, but as I approached this “bad” area, I started to walk and use crutches.  Just as it was turning the darkest, I was about to have to go through a tunnel.  A person appeared to me that was very bright (I feel now an angel) and told me that I should not go into the tunnel on crutches, as there were people in there that would want “favors” from me.  I told him that I didn’t really need the crutches, and that I just use them on occasion so that I can more easily relate to others that need them.  He seemed pleased.  I told him that I had forgotten I was actually a great runner and could just run around the area and get where I needed to be quite easily.  He smiled, and with that I tucked the crutches under my arm and began to run.  Right before I could get going, a man grabbed me from behind and had bad intentions.  I realized I could just use the crutches to beat him back, and began to run freely….swiftly…toward my destination.

Wow…think of the symbolism here!  The thing that hit me most was that I did not need the “crutches”…that I only use them to relate to others that also needed them!  As I thought about this, I realized it was another piece of a message I have been getting about “everything they say is wrong with you is what is right with you” and “use your perceived failures as your successes”.  My crutches in life, I think, are my perceived failures…the areas in my life I fall back on time and again….the things I really want to change about my life and, as advised,  am focusing on the thoughts I have surrounding them.  But, according to what I said in the dream, they are not failures at all!  I only use them so I can relate to others that are going through similar situations.  Maybe I need these experiences to help others, which I do feel certain is my main objective in life.  I am really able to run freely and create any and all experiences that I want….but without the crutches, I am unable to fulfill my true mission of helping others in a the way meant for me.

In other words, I previously mentioned in a blog that I often have to fight the feelings that I have failed at love, at finances, at jobs, and struggled with addictions of various and sundry types.  These are the crutches that have given me a knowledge that allows to me relate to others that feel the same.  And let’s face it…the world is full of people that feel that have failed in these and so many other ways. 

And I loved the “angel” in my dream.  He was so bright compared to the darkness around me.  Although he did not have wings and was dressed in something like khaki’s, oxford shirt and sweater vest, he was LOVING and SUPPORTIVE of me and my situation….no judgment at all. 

So, look at your failures…your crutches…and know they are there to serve you in some manner.  Remember that you are actually a free running spirit that can easily arrive at your destination.  You have an angel to help you.  And you can use those crutches to beat back anyone or anything that intends to harm you! 

Move On

I don’t ever like writing about anything remotely negative unless there is an “AHA” at the end.  Yet, I must say, life is very challenging right now.  I know I’m not alone.  Jobs, security, bills, and endless changes are all culprits playing their roles.  Sometimes the effort to remain positive makes me think I will break.  Yes, I am aware it should not be an effort!

I have been going through many journals of mine that I have kept over my life.  I began writing as a teen and have not yet stopped!!  It has been my great joy and I am happy that I now am no longer afraid to share my thoughts.  I have been transferring my poetry to my computer as well as posting it on another blog (www.nancy-triplett.blogspot.com) even though I still get butterflies each time I post one!  Yet, I keep in mind the saying, “what would you do if you were not afraid” and continue.

In one journal today, I also found some entries about a former love.  Oh, the angst, the ups and downs, the rationalizations, the striving to ascend to a higher love!  I now also wonder what part hormones played in the whole affair as I did reference them from time to time!!  After reading them, I tore them out and threw them away…I don’t live there anymore. 

All that reading and reminiscing caused me to, once again, take inventory of where I’ve been, what I’ve done, and the places in my life where I have “failed” and “succeeded”.  Although I was twice married, I feel I “failed” at love.  Only one man from my life I feel truly loved (and still loves) me.  I’ve never been able to get my finances in order in the way I’d like to have.  I have had some great jobs, but they have ended…was that my fault also?  So the big “FAIL” has once again been upon me.  Yes, that is all passed.  Yes, it is never too late.  Yes, I only have the moment.  Sometimes, that is just cold comfort, no matter how much I “know”.

Then, my granddaughter, Sarah, came to me and told me she had written a new poem.  She is a chip off the old block, after all, and a source of PURE JOY in my life.  After I read it, I realized that I was indeed getting my message from above.  I remembered that each “fail” is necessary before true “success” can be obtained.  I remembered that “all is well” and “I am safe”.  I remembered to surrender…to let go…things will work out.  I share it with you below.  No further comments will be needed! 

Move On

The past is the past for a reason

That is where it is supposed to stay

But some cannot let it go

In their head it eats away

Until all their focus becomes

The person that they used to be

The mistakes they made in their life

Oh if only they could see

That you cannot change what happened

No matter how hard you try

No matter how much you think about it

No matter how much you cry

What happens in your lifetime

Happens for reasons unknown

So you have to let the cards unfold

Let your story be shown

Don't get wrapped up in the negative

Be happy with what you have been given

Live for today not tomorrow

Get up, get out and start living

Cause the past is the past for a reason

It's been and now it is gone

So stop trying to think of ways to fix it

It's done, it's unchangeable, move on

A Tribute to my Mother

Jean Lewis Mills - December 19, 1927-August 4, 1989
Beloved Mother Rest In Peace

Recently, my cousin, Mamie posted a blog that posed the question, Does Grieving End?  She was commemorating the first anniversary of her dad’s passing.  I have thought a lot about this and today I turn inward in earnest with this question as today is the anniversary of my own dear Mother’s death.  For me, it has been 22 years since she died quite unexpectedly from a heart attack.  She was only 61 years old, just getting ready for retirement and had many plans and dreams ahead of her. 

She had been orphaned at a young age and raised by her grandmother until she was around 12 years old.  Her grandmother passed and she was sent to live with an uncle.  She and her sister ran away from there and she finished high school while living at the YWCA.  After attending a business college, she began working, marrying and having a family.  Right after my sister was born, she got saved at a Billy Graham Crusade and became the good Christian lady most people, including me, knew. 

She was not wealthy, but had so much class.  She brought up me, my sister and brother in church with good values and morals.  She loved us dearly and held our family together like glue.  We never knew how true this was until her passing. 

There are so many things I don’t know about her.  There are tons of things I wish I could ask her.  I think she may have been trying to tell me some things about getting older, but I was not prepared to hear and understand them yet. 

She was the one person in my life that I could always count on without fail.  The one person that loved me so unconditionally as no one has loved me since.  Not a day of my life goes by that I do not think of her and miss her and long to talk to her…long to feel that kind of love. 

So I would say to Mamie, in a sense, grieving never ends.  It isn’t the kind of grieving that is felt at first…the empty hole, the tears, the depression over the loss.  I actually mostly remember the good things and what I miss most, is what she is missing…my sons growing up, my own grandchildren as well as the children and grandchildren of my brother and sister.  I miss being able to pick up the phone and call for advice.  I miss being able to draw on the years of experience she had beyond mine.

Photo Rob Wiltshire

Today I honor my Mother.  I miss and love her every day.  And yes, in a sense, I grieve for her every day.  I realize how fortunate I am that I had this type of Mother to love me, nurture me, and show me how to be a good person.  Rest in Peace, Mother.  You will always be a part of me.  You live on in each of your children and consequently, your grandchildren and great grandchildren.  And thank you for sacrificing for me, my sister and brother.  I really get it now.